a little exit blurb

i can’t believe the outpouring of love and support over the past year. that’s just not something i would have ever seen coming and for that i am so grateful. this year would have been so different without that kind of love and I’ll never ever be able to thank anybody enough.

let’s see. I don’t know how many more stories I have in me at this point but there’s definitely one I have left that i want to tell and it’s more of a brag, which is something i don’t really do that often, but it’s not a brag on me, it’s a brag on my parents and it’s one i feel like they’d shut down in a heartbeat if they heard it coming out. but they, together, raised three mr. henry counties, and I don’t know if anybody else has ever done that before, but they did it.

for those unfamiliar with what a mr. henry county is, in henry county, kentucky, at the end of the year, the student body in the high school votes on one guy and one girl and they become mr. and miss henry county. basically, they get their own page in the yearbook and some other stupid stuff like that. it’s not really a big deal. it does kind of get conflated into a big deal at times, but having three brothers, two of which actually grew up in the city, be able to pass that bar, being able to pass that test of henry county, that says a lot about my parents. and I don’t even have the bandwidth to talk about all the stuff they did with the sports booster club, how they built so much stuff, how they raised so much money and they did it selflessly and they just – they never complained. i mean, it was part of their social life. but it was one of the biggest gifts that they ever gave to me. for whatever stupid reason, for whatever that little – that stupid little title might bring to it, which is nothing, it meant something.

afterwords by carol: last night was the night lantz chose to die with dignity, an option in oregon for people who are terminally ill. it’s one of the reasons he moved to this state in the first place. the process of qualifying is difficult, especially with the blockades the hospital and insurance threw up, but we fought hard to find outside doctors and the one pharmacy in town that fulfills the prescription. he’s been so open and transparent throughout these last nine months and one week since diagnosis, i feel like adding this on to his final post about how much he loves his parents is one way to honor his bravery and choices.

we’ve had a living wake these last ten days, surrounded by so much love and care, some moments of which were way more lucid than others, most of which he struggled with pain, with frustration at the medical system for letting his final care fall through the cracks, but always uplifted by the family and friends who traveled long distances and friends close by, and now that he’s gone, my family is here for me for the after time. I feel like I’ve been losing little pieces of him along the way, slow motion, and i’ve watched so many people say their rushed goodbyes to him, breaking our hearts over and over, and now i’m grateful to have been able to guide him through his final wish.

last night our friends gathered for a big fire pit with clear, spring-like weather, i even smelled hints of cherry blossom trees, and they told lantz stories, did lantz impersonations, cried a lot, held each other up, had some drinks and food, and said goodbye to our friend and the best man i have ever known.

sixteen years and two months ago, all my dreams came true.