gratitude

a few days ago, lantz appeared as a hummingbird at my desk window and then as a juvenile crow whooping above me outside of the café.  last night was my first alone without friends or family since he left this world.  i dreamt of a man i realized was him, he had no eyes, but what looked like an infinite black, star-filled universe behind his eyelids.  i started to panic and cry, asking what was wrong with him and what i could do to fix him.   he told me i need to let people in and allow myself to accept the love i’m being offered. 
 
i will be forever grateful for the go fund me for allowing me to get my footing in a world without my sweet man, forever grateful for tam driscoll for organizing it, forever grateful for all the sweet messages about lantz and how much he meant in your worlds, the sweet messages about our relationship and how even from the outside it seemed like a fairy tale.