superstitious

i’ve been doing Lantz’s french on the days he’s been unable because i was superstitious and thought keeping the streak going would pull us through, along with my numerous attempts at healing him: caster oil packs, cell food, mushrooms, positive thinking and visualization, sheer will. 1600 days is a good number. aujourd’hui est le dernier jour.

hospice started today. lantz is comfortable and dreaming of birds that don’t exist in this realm. i’m asking questions about the birds but he can’t describe them to me. it’s not for me to know. the cats have been keeping guard and sharing this part of his journey. maybe they see the birds too.

he’s been the strongest fighter i’ve ever seen, because he loves us all so much, because he wants to be here in a way i never have, because i promised him a kitten in the spring. but science has failed.